These thoughts need to get out of my head before I do something about it.　

Stop playing games with my head please.

I don’t really understand what is going on any more.

Like, one minute people will say they love me, they’ll always be there for me, I’m one of their best friends. Then the next minute, the exact same people just won’t talk to me if I don’t talk first, they won’t acknowledge anything I do, even though they can see I’ve been upset and they know something is up. They just ignore it.

I never really tell my problems to any of my friends unless I have to, and that’s because I don’t like approaching people with my problems. Seriously, like the only person that has genuinely asked if I’m okay recently is my Biology teacher.

I’ve been told that I “need to get help” and things… But if I do approach someone in order to get help, the first thing that’ll happen is my parents will receive a phone call explaining it all. I don’t want that to happen because the first thing that my mum will say is “Why didn’t you tell me?” and I just can’t answer that because I don’t know. I’m too shy. I seriously lack confidence to even tell my mum stupid little things. When I approach her to start a conversation I have to re-run the line about 3 times in my head. I hate being shy, it’s only done bad things for me. People are like, “being shy is cute”, but yeah, it may be to you, but when it comes to things like having healthy relationships with friends and family members, and having the courage to ask for help in school, I really fucking hate it.

Everything going on is confusing me.

The little comments people are making about me to my face are really starting to get to me. I can’t stop pulling my hair out more than ever and that is something that is really really making me upset, I just want to stop but most of the time I’m not conscious that I’m pulling.

Also it’s stressing me out that the person who I really really really really really like and have liked for about 8 months, I feel like it’s falling apart, I’m giving my 110% but I don’t feel good enough any more, and I miss feeling like I’m good enough. I miss feeling happy! I wish I could walk down the street or catch a bus or even a short train journey to see him and be with him so I can just vent everything to him, he’s the only person that properly listens to me and I feel like he gets me… I finally feel like somebody gets me. But I can’t do that because he’s 137 fucking miles away.

As I’m writing this, my head is hurting from the stress that is building up and I just don’t have the motivation to do anything, I can’t think straight half the time and I can’t concentrate without my mind wandering onto my problems.

I’m going to stop writing now, I could write about all this all day.

I just left this here in hope that this has hopefully made the problem smaller, even in the slightest.

It’s probably not. 

But it’s out there.

You know what? Fuck it. Fuck everything.

So stressed right now asdfghjkl

I need amazing plans for summer, it’ll be my last high school summer so I need big big big plans!

She’s so skinny and I’m so jealous

Just sat my music listening exam.

Michael Jackson and “Night Fever” were two of the excerpts on the exam. I had to cover my mouth to stop myself from laughing.

I’ve probably failed but oh welllllll.